... and Baby Makes Two Page 12
“But I'll need someone to organize the materials, schedules, and such. Any volunteers.”
It looked to Jane as if every woman at the table was trying to shrink. Jane shot her hand up. This was a job for List Woman!
“Jane. Of course. I should have known. Let's talk about this separately, okay? I'm so hungry. Rachel, honey, I've lost all feeling in that arm. Can you relax a little bit?”
Eventually Rachel sat and ate and colored the dragon picture that the waiter had given her. She started her own pictures on the side, a parade of Disney villains.
Jane took a chance. She pointed to a black and white woman on Rachel's page and said, “Cruella De Vil.”
“Uh-huh.”
Jane sang, “If she doesn't scare you, no evil thing will. To see her is to take a sudden chill.”
Rachel lit up. She stopped drawing and gazed at her new American Idol.
“Cruella, Cruella De Vil.”
Why Jane knew all the words to this song, she could never explain. But they had taken up space in her brain, and now they were connecting her with little Rachel. As they sang greatest Disney villain hits (Jane got a little carried away and shimmied as she belted “Poor Unfortunate Souls” from The Little Mermaid), Jane realized that she was missing all the helpful hints that the Chinamoms were sharing around the table. She should have stayed in the grown-up conversation.
“Do you know the Gaston song?”
Jane did her best baritone and kept singing.
…
The women helped one another with the dossier work:
To:
From: jane.howe@argenti.com
Subject: Police Plaza
What a frustrating morning. Here's the deal:
You don't need to wait on that long line at the lobby/reception area. You can go right into the waiting room.
You need to bring a money order to pay the fee. That's right, no cash, no checks, no credit card. I had to leave, get the money order, and come back. It was so annoying.
Also, here's a MapQuest link for anyone having trouble getting there.
To:
From: meganr@hotlink.com
Subject: Timing
Things are moving so slowly in China. Barbara just told me that I probably wont get my referral for another month, month and a half. I'm miserable. If anyone is free, please call me and talk me in from the ledge. How can I wait another month and a half oh God!!!
Megan, Mom-to-Be
To:
From: teresa.fenno@reedpr.com
Subject: Ow
Ladies,
I have just returned from getting my medical report completed. My GP will sign the form after the tests are back. Cant describe how much the TB test hurts. It involves wiggling a needle under the skin, causing it to bubble and hurt. Does anyone else remember those little tine tests we got in school, or does that go back to the days of leeches? Why did those tine tests go away? Not painful enough?
Is anyone else considering hepatitis vaccinations before traveling? If so, please do contact me.
T
Saturday morning. Jane was still half asleep, or so she thought. She wanted to sleep in. She blinked at the chair in her bedroom and saw her mother. Sitting, smiling, and looking about thirty years younger. Jane blinked again and sat up. The chair was empty. Of course.
…
Jane received her homestudy in the mail. It was surprisingly cold. It listed pertinent dates about Jane's life. It listed her family members. It noted the recent death of Betty. It gave a sketchy description of her job, her apartment, her appearance. It listed her assets and her lack of debt. It was so impersonal. But then it stated that Donna, a social worker qualified to make such judgments, recommended Jane for adopting a child. There. She was catching up with Karen and Teresa. Wasn't she?
…
Another Saturday. She should really sleep in while she can. Time would come soon when she wouldn't be able to. And there was Mom, standing in the doorway, keeping the thirty-years-younger look. A good choice. Jane followed her out of the bedroom, to the far end of the apartment.
“Janie? What are you going to do with this extra room?”
“The darkroom? I'm changing it. You'll see.”
“No, dear. I know that's the baby's room. I meant over here. See? You have a whole extra room you've never used. See?”
She guided Jane through a hidden door and into a large room, off the kitchen. Had it always been there? It was a rough space. Dark and musty. It would need a lot of work. A lot of fixing up. But Jane could do it. Oh, look. It needed new windows. And maybe she should break through the wall here and—
She woke up and laughed at herself. Every New Yorker's dream—discovering extra space in your apartment.
…
“This is such a powerful dream,” Ray told her over drinks. “Let me look up some of the symbols in my book and I'll give you a full interpretation.”
But Jane didn't want it interpreted. It was about mother and baby and real estate. That was enough. Besides, she was late for meeting Peter, her dinner buddy.
“You really think he just wants to be friends with you?” Ray could not hide his cynicism.
“Listen, if he wants more than that, I'll scare him off with my baby plans. A married man looking for a little something-something doesn't want that kind of complication.”
“Speaking of baby plans—have you told Howard yet?”
No. She hadn't. Jane visited her father, but it was more difficult now. Her brothers wanted nothing to do with her. They kept the children away, made dramatic exits, and stayed away until Jane was back on her island, Manhattan. Jane had allied herself with Sheila, the traitor, and the Irish boys’ sense of loyalty to their mother locked Jane out in the cold. So Jane did not visit often.
“He looks so exhausted these days. Don't yell at me, but I'm waiting for a sign—for the right time. For timing. I'm waiting to tell him.”
“Hey who am I to lecture? I had a hard time coming out to my parents too. You'd think my Judy Garland album collection would have clued them in, but I still had to do it. And so will you.”
Jane hadn't been paying close attention to Ray while she took care of the great paper chase for her dossier. But today, she looked at him and saw a change. Was it his skin? His eyes? Was he really getting something from this new phase he was in?
“Ray. You look gorgeous. You look, I don't know how to describe it, happy”
“That's right.”
Jane kicked herself for being so self-involved and missing this change in her friend. Ray was happy. Ray. Happy. Anything was possible.
He was still smiling, still quiet, still happy. Jane squirmed with curiosity.
“Ray? Talk to me. What happened? How did you manage this?”
“How to be Happy in Ten Easy Steps. Is that what you want to hear? Come on. I'm happy, Jane. That's all.”
“Wow.”
Jane sat, chastened and silent, for at least three minutes. Didn't she look so shallow, with her martini glass and obliviousness. But then, chaste silence didn't suit her relationship with Ray. She giggled and said, “Is he cute?”
Ray smiled like the Grinch. “So cute. So, so cute. His name is Burton, such a movie star name. He introduced me to this great meditation class. I pondered his cuteness until I found that I really liked the rest of him too.”
“Wow.”
…
Jane met Peter at an Argentinean restaurant. She was prepared for an evening of awkward conversation and prolonged pauses. After all, this date/nondate may well have been forging new territory in the relationships between married men and single women.
Peter, however, was bursting with energy and conversation. He seemed delighted to have a dinner partner. No, he seemed delighted to have Jane for a dinner partner.
“Did I tell you I ran into Chris Aiello? He was the guy who made us all shave our heads when we lost that game in high school. Anyway, he's totally bald now, s
o you get some kind of revenge there, I guess.”
“I guess.”
Then Peter did a dead-on impersonation of their high school principal, which left Jane laughing harder than she wanted to.
“Announthment: Any theniorth who thkip clath will be thuthpended tho thwiftly it will make their headth thpin!”
When Jane caught her breath, she begged him to impersonate the paranoid biology teacher who could speak without moving his lips.
“It's time to dissect the frog. Hey. You. Put down the knife. Why do you smell like formaldehyde? Hey. Hey. Hey. Get out of my class!”
“Oh, Peter. I wish I'd had you in my class. It would have been a lot more fun.”
They ordered too much food and ate it all. Jane wondered if she should tell Peter about her adoption plans. Instead she asked about his parents.
“I got them into this City Seniors Social Club—can you imagine our dear old principal joining that? Anyway, I didn't think they'd go for it. But they like it.”
“What do they do?” Jane asked.
“Oh, they go to museums, shows, restaurants, all sorts of things. It's been great to see them make new friends and get out more. They love their house, but isn't it good to visit the city sometimes? The whole reason I moved back here was because I was worried about them, but now I'm not so worried. Hey, maybe your dad would join it. He might like it.”
Not likely. Jane knew that Howard shared Betty's dislike of all things city. He was also not ready for a change. Not yet.
“It's been kind of hard to visit with Dad. My brothers and their kids are there. I don't feel all that welcome. Family drama. It's kind of complicated, and very stupid.”
“At least he has his grandchildren around. My folks really want grandchildren. They don't say anything, but they don't have to. It's the one way—the only way—that I know I've disappointed them.”
This was as close as Peter would come to mentioning his marriage that evening. Jane had to let it go by. If she started criticizing his marriage, they couldn't be dinner buddies. And suddenly she knew that she wanted to see him again and again and again.
…
The larger group of Chinamoms met for dinner every Monday night, but Jane, Karen, and Teresa remained a subset of the group. The three went to a gallery opening where Teresa represented the artist. The artwork included a lot of disturbing pictures of clowns. Karen was very sensitive to the evil within the clowns and hit the free Chardonnay a little harder than she should have. Jane and Teresa escorted her to a restaurant.
“It doesn't seem real to me yet. Does it seem real to you?” Karen asked. That would have been a confusing question for anyone else, but Jane and Teresa knew what she meant.
“My doctor didn't approve,” Jane revealed. When she had her exam for the medical report, he scowled when she told him what this was all for.
“I told my ex.” Teresa knew she was dropping a bombshell.
“And?”
“Tell us!”
“What did he say?”
“He got mad. He got really mad. Like I had trumped him or something. Like I had made him useless. And then he got ugly. He said something so mean—”
She probably should not have continued.
“He said that when he had his midlife crisis, he just bought a car. Chinese babies might be a trendy accessory, but I'd send her back within a year.”
That line hurt them all. Jane wondered if Teresa repeated it just to unload some of it. Here. Now everyone could have a portion of this hurt.
“Do we know why we're doing this?” Jane ventured.
“He said that a mother can't be the disciplinarian for a kid the way a dad is. So my kid is destined to be spoiled rotten.”
“Not mine,” said Karen. “Nobody can be spoiled on my salary.”
“He forgets.” Teresa sounded mad. “My dad had a gun collection. But my mother was the one I was afraid of. She was tough as nails. And faster than a speeding bullet. I never crossed her. I still don't.” Teresa sat up straighter when she talked about her mother.
“My mother had lots of issues back then,” said Karen, “and now she has a lot of different issues. But now she gets to be all Sweet Grandma, spoiling the kids. She's so excited about having another grandchild.”
“Mine too,” said Teresa. “But I'm still ticked off at my ex. I mean, he sees me working there day in and day out. In fact, I showed up for work the day after he left me—just to prove a point.”
“Wow,” said Karen.
“Yes, wow. You're right, wow. Big Huge Wow. I'm one of the three most disciplined people he knows, and he doesn't think I can do this?”
“But how can you guys keep working together?” Jane asked.
“We have to. We have a business. Part of me thinks that he's waiting for me to get terribly upset and walk out. I know I'm waiting for him to get terribly upset and walk out. He wasn't happy about me planning a Family Leave, I promise you that.”
“I only get three weeks leave, then I'll have to go back to work,” Karen mourned.
“Do we know why we're doing this?” Jane repeated.
“I can't believe I almost forgot this. I got you guys a little something,” Karen said as she pulled a pair of colorful paperbacks from her large canvas sack. She had gotten all three of them a book entitled, Fun Shui: The Art of Joyous Baby Rooms.
“I'll have my decorator refer to this when he starts work on the baby's room,” Teresa said without a hint of sarcasm.
Karen lived in a one-bedroom apartment that Realtors called “cozy” She planned to share her room and her bed with the baby. She cited several parenting experts on co-sleeping.
“It accelerates the bonding process. And there's something really deep about that vulnerability, you know? You're asleep. She's asleep. You know?”
Teresa wanted nothing to do with it. “My daughter will get her own bed, and I've already picked out the Calvin Klein crib sheets. She'll be happy. And she'll be in her own room. Trust me.”
Teresa was about to move into a large two-bedroom apartment.
“Don't move yet,” Karen advised. “Not until you get your referral. It's bad luck. And I hope you haven't chosen a name for her yet.”
“My dear, I've already closed. Paying the mortgage on a place I'm not living in is even worse luck. I'm moving. It's done. It's a good location, and we're already waitlisted at two private nursery schools. She won't need luck. She'll have me.”
“Do we know why we're doing this?” Jane tried one more time.
Karen and Teresa looked at Jane as if she were an alien. Karen was speechless, but Teresa sighed.
“Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane, Jane. Try to keep up.”
To: jane.howe@argenti.com
From: peter.mandell@metrohouse.com
Subject: Hungry!
J,
Can we eat early tonight? You know the big meeting I had this morning? Well, it ran right through lunch. Just ended. So, not only do you win the bet (again), but I'm dangerously hungry. Feel like going to Chinatown?
The gym says they're getting a machine that stretches you. Doesn't that sound like a medieval torture device?
P
To:
From: teresa.fenno@reedpr.com
Subject: I-171H!
Ladies,
It came in the mail last night! I have cleared my calendar. Ill visit the downtown offices to get these notarized, certified, authenticated and off to China. My dossier is now complete.
Teresa
To:
From: karen51@ournet.com
Subject: Re: I-171H!
Me too! Call me. We can go to the offices together. Oh my God! My dossier is done!
K
They were done. Jane was still waiting. Burning. Was it possible that Karen and Teresa understood something about this adoption process that Jane didn't, and somehow the FBI knew that and they were withholding her I-171H until Jane became enlightened?
The three friends
attended an FCC event to celebrate the Autumn Moon Festival. Legend has it that a woman drank a magic potion in order to escape her abusive husband. She landed on the moon. There may or may not be a rabbit up there with her. The Autumn Moon was the one time of year that she was visible to all of us on earth. And until they made her story into a Lifetime Movie, she was happy and safe. Meanwhile, the rest of us eat gooey, sweet mooncakes in her honor.
Megan came bursting into the room. She'd confirmed her ex-punk look by adding magenta highlights to her short hair. She looked bright.
“I got my referral! Look! There she is! There's my girl!”
She held up a tiny picture of a tiny baby bundled in a huge, padded snowsuit. Her cheeks were quite red. She looked dazed. There was an aggressive painting of pandas and bunnies behind her.
Megan was a celebrity. She told the story of Barbara's phone call, which started with “Hi, Mommy.” This evoked joyful noises from her audience. And now, post-punk Megan was in a mad dash to buy baby things. She clutched the photo and declined to eat any moon-cakes.
“All this time I've been waiting, and I didn't buy one pack of diapers!”
She expected to travel in a few weeks. She glowed. She floated through the room. She was all joy.
Karen and Teresa got to tell people that they had a Dossier to China/DTC date. Jane got to say that her dossier was thisclose to being done. Karen picked up on Jane's jealousy almost immediately.
“You know, Jane. In China, they say that there's a red thread connecting you with the people you love. And it doesn't matter how much the thread is pulled or stretched, it will never break”
Teresa made an attempt. “If I may, I think that Karen is saying that you and your child will be together. You will. It's done.”
Jane liked both versions of consolation. But managed a complaint or two.
“If I don't get my dossier to China this month, I won't travel with you two.”
Karen didn't see the need to worry, since it was only September 20.